Apathy, Sympathy and Empathy

My dear friends on Mother Earth,

Am pained and disturbed. Deeply disturbed. By men and women. By their apathy (indifference) and lip-service sympathy (sic) to fellow human-beings. Without love and compassion; when Dogs and Elephants have high level of them! Folks, I strongly believe that the opposite of love is APATHY and NOT hate.

Will share couple of real-life scenarios to make understand the three terms better. Shall I?

Scenario 1

In 2010, I was on a thanks-giving visit to Sabarimala with a group of 17 including a 70 year-old woman whose 5 blood relatives were also part of the troupe. Well, to cut the long story short, all the 15(Except the old woman and ‘Yours Truly’) rushed to climb the hill leaving us. I was in a child-like bliss and started my walk very slowly, watching and enjoying the nature. I saw this old lady struggling to climb the hill. She was panting for breath. I was shocked to find none of her so-called blood relatives whom she fed were there to help her climb. Probably, they all were busy to mark their attendance to Lord Ayyappa before the closing time of 12 Noon!

I removed the heavy irumudi bag from her head and also two other bags which she was carrying. I put my arm around her shoulder and cared for her the same way I used to care  my biological mother during our spiritual trips, including that wonderful blissful trip to Vaishno Devi in 1996. With every  100m, we rested for a minute, gave her Glucose, Pine apple bites laced with salt etc, to shore up the energy. We reached abode the hill and it was half past 12 Noon. The ‘gang’ by then had finished marking the ‘attendance’, but then it must have stuck them that they have left back the old lady! Upon seeing us their palpable tension was relieved. The tired septuagenarian lady didn’t utter any word to them! Later, in the evening, when all had gathered in the room, I apologized to her that couldn’t make her see Ayyappa before noon. She shot back saying ”Ravi, why do you have to come all the way here to see Ayyappa?”(meaning when HE is already inside me!) Hearing that I was in a blissful state(which can’t be shared but can only be experienced!) Went to HIM and thanked HIM for having made me a ‘humane’ human being!

(Ps: Lesson learnt, her 5 blood relatives and others as well took utmost care of the old lady during the climb-down. I was not required! Hah Ha!)

Scenario 2

A highly ‘pure’ angel-like friend of mine has a child who is a dyslexic. She says that she is unable to take her child for social functions as the so called intelligent human beings are apathic. Some have sympathy but absolutely no empathy. Sometimes they laugh at the child for being unable to comprehend simple things. The mother is deeply disturbed. So are the mothers of children who are autistic, mentally retarded, spastic, physically/visually challenged etc. Are you with me? Can you feel how they all FEEL everyday, every single minute?

Scenario 3

A friend of mine and his friend, both visually challenged, were standing in a bus stand to take a bus to go to college. There was lot of people around. On seeing these two, some were apathic and some felt sympathy(In Thamizh, ‘Ayyo paavam’) and when their bus came they all left. No one was there to help these two wonderful souls to board the correct bus they are supposed to take. Can you please put yourself in those two people’s shoes and think? Wouldn’t you have waited to help these two souls?

Scenario 4

An intelligent woman holds a doctorate and who has two children hires a Kitchen Enabler(a.k.a cook).Even if she is late even for a few minutes in the morning or evening, she scolds her without realizing that the cook too has young children to be sent to school and she is a mother as well like this doctorate woman! Let’s spare a thought to those who help us. Shouldn’t we?

Folks, do you need any more scenarios to understand the concept of Apathy, Sympathy and Empathy? 

Now, please CTRL+ click and visit the blog on Values.

It’s lack of compassion, isn’t it?

Now, have you read that blog? I suspect lack of compassion is the reason for people lacking empathy which is the highest form of LOVE, wise opine. I suspect that Empathy cannot be taught using a PPT. It has to come from within and that experience is the best teacher. I say that empathy must be taught during childhood (Ideally by parents, notably mother) According to me, lack of empathy was/is a common symptom of narcissism. There are lots of them amidst us, isn’t it? What do you say? They have to be reformed, isn’t it?

Sympathy and Empathy  - There’s a thin wedge separating the two

Therefore, Sympathy is a socially generated emotion, and empathy is a spiritually generated emotion. I have learnt to have empathy even with the apathic people mentioned in the examples above as they do not ‘love’ and mostly those people weren’t loved either especially during childhood.

For better understanding of Sympathy and Empathy please click and watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pDpQXO7gklg

In other words, Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others. It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. Both words have similar usage but differ in their emotional meaning. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes". So empathy is a deeper emotional experience. Empathy is known to increase pro-social (helping) behaviors. Empathic people make awesome leaders, artists, doctors etc. 

Folks, don’t you think IF humans beings, like Dogs and Elephants(Watch DC/AP channels) have loads of empathy- THEN wouldn’t the family, state, country and this beautiful world be a better place? What do you say? Do munch and share your FEELINGS on this. 

Friends, I apologise for the gap in writing. But somehow someone, known or unknown, gently tap my shoulder to make me write again. I thank them and God or God-particle for this intervention.

Allow me to end sharing loads of unconditional and undiluted love , compassion and empathy to all of you and your wonderful families and friends. Do share the LIFE JUICE in this blog with them. Wouldn't you?

Amen! Tashvidanya!

Love
Ravi

“You can, in a small way, gently shake the world” - Mahatma Gandhi

Hidden Treasure Series-Part XVIII- On TRUTH and THE MEANING OF LIFE

My dear friends,

As we progress to the last Part of the Hidden Treasure Series, am duty-bound to thank God and God-particle for making me atleast irregularly regular or sometimes regularly irregular as regards my key-stroking this Series. Thank you blogger. Thank you techies.

Many of us must have wondered at some point in time on the purpose of Life, isn’t it? Is Life is just a series of experiences? Is it a mere existence? It is not just a biological and physiological ‘dragging of feet’? Is LIFE a passage of time from one point of time to another point of time? Folks, time to walk-the-talk with Shri.GRK and get to meat of LIFE or the juice of LIFE.

Ravi: Sunny evening Shri. GRK. Today G&W turned 12 today and great to have you amidst us.

GRK: Congratulations Ravi. Kilo-Miles to go before you sleep.

Ravi: Ha Hah! Well, Shri.GRK, does LIFE have any purpose? Nay any meaning? What is its sumnum bonum? Is there any intrinsic value to life other than existence? Does it have any implication for itself and by itself? Is life something different from its roles, responsibilities, and attachments? Does it leave any mark or an impact, on the sands of time? These are the eternal questions agitating the human brain. Can you please enlighten us more on the meaning of LIFE?

GRK: Hi Ravi, before understanding about LIFE, we need to understand that TRUTH is the meaning of LIFE and existence.

Ravi: IS TRUTH a kind of reality?

GRK: Truth is that “exists” (sat). It is THE fundamental reality. It could be a fact, or a reality. Truth is much more than these, for, it is eternal and universal. The reality and the fact are passing phenomena. Truth could have regional variations and interpretation. But the core of truth, nay the essence of truth is the same for all the people and for all times.

Truth has to be perceived and experienced rather than argued and understood. Truth cannot be understood through argumentation. In an argumentation to win, truth becomes a casualty. The arguer with his ego cannot understand truth. The human ego and truth cannot co-exist.

Arguing about and understanding truth is not important. No, not even needed. Perceiving truth, nay, realizing truth and living it is most important. The very proof of somebody realizing the truth is his living it. The life of a seeker who has realized the truth, becomes a totally different experience. Then his life (life to him!) becomes a thrill, a joy and a creative and spontaneous experience. Then it permeates light, as well as love; that divine quality of compassion and forgiveness. Thus, the realization of truth makes life meaningful. In other words, truth is the meaning of life and creation.

Ravi: WOW! What a TRUTH!

Ravi: Shri. GRK, for some LIFE may be chasing of material career, and achievement. For some, it may be an exercise of power and fame and swaying over people. For some others, it may be an endless pursuit of pleasure and indulgence in instincts. Could this really and fully explain the meaning of life?

After life what? Could biological determinism justify life as a mere natural struggle-struggle for existence and survival of the fittest? Could economic determinism proclaim that man lives by bread alone? Could theories of repressionism, explain total life in terms of unfulfilled instincts and frustrated egos?

GRK: Listen carefully. The ideologues of free will argue that life is something different, something precious and something unique from mere existence. Is it true!? Does this free will exist in spite of and beyond life? Does this free will have an intrinsic existence for itself separately from life? We do not know. I do not know. Let us probe with fresh brains, non-prejudiced brains. For this we need a quest for understanding life.

Ravi: Do the great personalities like Buddha, Christ and Gandhi prove that their will is different from the will of others? Are they super human?

GRK: No. not at all. In fact, they proved that they are the part of all of us the ordinary mortals. They had their life cycle their attachments, their agonies, their roles and ultimately their passing off from this earth. But, still, what they proclaim about life? What they prove about it? They proclaim that life is what you wish it to be; it is what you want it to be. It is what you wish it ought to be. You are the architect of your own life. Fate is nothing but a reflection of yourself.

For them, life is a composition, a proportion, a harmony, (compromise!?) and a synthesis, while death is a de-composition. For them life is thrill, a duty (karma).A joy and a song and natural rhythm (dharma).  Nothing more than this, they do not have any message other than their life. All their lives reflect, proclaim and enunciate only one message: that life is compassion, a concern nay a great concern, after all, this concern is love-an unconditional love, and a sacred love- a love without attachments and expectations and values.  Thus, sumnum bonum of life is ‘love’ and forgiveness. The meaning of love, nay life, cannot be understood and talked about. It is to be and it has to be realized and lived. This love is real living and this living itself is life. Nothing beyond and nothing beside is LIFE.

Ravi: That’s awesome learning Shri. GRK.  Since the meaning of LIFE is love and forgiveness, hope my life-partner would forgive for all her agonies for the non-conformist life I was/am leading. She is the epitome of what you said of LIFE. She has great compassion and empathy towards others and ours maybe was a sacred love as it was without any expectations. Thank you again God and God-Particle for all these experiences in LIFE.

I sign off wishing you all an enlightened weekend.

Kind Regards

G&W Ravi

Hidden Treasure Series – On ‘Love’ – Ver 2

My dear friends across spheres of LIFE,                                   

After a lot of thought I FELT the necessity to key-stroke the phenomenon of boy-girl OR man-woman LOVE. In fact, I suspect if we confuse this love with UNIVERSAL LOVE, that which is unconditional AND undiluted LOVE - To all co-beings - to mankind or Animal Kingdom. 

The unfortunate suicides committed by a couple of Chennai based students, two budding Engineers because of so-called “LOVE failure”(Sic) provoked me to understand this phenomenon – I for one could not digest taking one’s life for any reason whatsoever. Being born as a human itself is a GIFT, isn’t it? Also we find that the entertainment industry invent many an ‘acute’ and ‘obtuse’ angles and ‘sub-plots’ on boy-girl AND man-woman relationship which indeed spoils ‘innocent’ brains.

Let’s NOW walk-the-talk with Shri. GRK and understand this ‘phenomenon’ that happens between a boy-girl and a man-woman.

Well, the response to our earlier blog on Love was indeed overwhelming. Now relax and enjoy the conversation on Ver 2 of the phenomenon called LOVE…

‘LOVE’ Confusion!

Ravi: Pleasant evening to you, Shri.GRK. Could you make me understand this boy-girl love or man-woman love, which we somehow find glorified in Cinema, India, in particular. I suspect that a better term could be used as people (mis)use the term ‘Love’ here as well. So please solve this ‘Love’ confusion once-for-all for me.

GRK: Hey Ravi, English is a poor man’s language though elegant and the easiest to communicate. One word may mean many a meaning. Also English language is more suitable for science rather than LIFE. No wonder there are only 26 letters in English. Sanskrit and Thamizh  are very rich and have meaningful words and clear rules and have lot to convey for LIFE.

Well, what we discussed earlier in Love-Ver 1 is Universal Love, which is the fulcrum of the existence of the universe.

Love thyself first!

Ravi: Is it NOT some kind of Bio-Chemistry that happens between a man and a woman?

GRK:Hey, haven’t you watched Discovery Channel series on ‘Anatomy of Sex’?  We all now know that what happens between a boy and a girl or a man and a woman is nothing but subtle physiological changes with rapid hormonal secretion, namely Oxytocin. Even in a relationship between a man and a woman or a boy and a girl , the bottom-line should be ‘Unconditional Love’. However, they need to LOVE themselves first. If they can’t, then I suspect they can’t love others unconditionally and accept the person as they are. The conflict arises when one wants the other to be what they want them to be. That is possessive love which is poisonous!

LOVE and DIVORCE

Ravi: Out of concern of humanity, allow me to pose this question. “GRK Ji, Is there a link between alarming divorce rates today and Love(Or the lack of it)”?

GRK: Look, we are not able to accept other person’s shortcomings and that’s the crux of the matter. So where is ‘Love’ here? View absence of unfettered, unconditional love with uncluttered brains, full of dogmas or doctorates; their bio-chemistry also fails. So, both body and brain goes for a toss. Divorce is just an event. Their souls are divorced long back! Divorces are happening in alarming proportions in India because either marriages are forced and CONDITIONAL; AND also because some marriages are done in a ‘romantic’ mood.

Oxytocin-The LOVE Hormone

Ravi: Ji, I love romance. Romancing gives positive energy, boosts secretion of Oxytocin, the LOVE HORMONE. I believe that there is no age-bar to being romantic or being in romance for continuous supply of Oxytocin. Is there anything wrong with being romantic?

GRK: Nice to see you understand LOVE from ‘Physiological’ perspective. Slowly your brain is getting evolved to understand LOVE from the soul’s perspective.

Guard against Romantic fools

Ravi, Romancing or being romantic is NOT stupid. It may give energy. However, we should only guard against romantic fools- man or woman.

Ravi: Romantic fools??? Am I one?

GRK: I don’t know if you are one. Your LIFE companion would be able to judge better. After all, she has taken great pains to tolerate and live with you for so long!

Ravi kanna, a ‘romantic fool’ is one who is always in a romantic mood, with his/her feet miles above/away from the ground (Reality). He/She theorizes heavily and lives in a dreamland on his/her own – He/She seldom understands practicality. You would find these attributes in some poets; poets over the ages are almost always bachelors! They fool around but they never get ‘caught’ and hence their romance remains alive! They go on dishing beautiful and even soul-lifting poetry. One should NEVER get married to a woman or a man in a ‘poetic’ mood.

DO Romance  - ONLY if you like yourself first

Ravi: These days I find young school children, especially boys in India have a skewed opinion on LOVE, thanks to the Telly. What are your ‘words of wisdom’ to them?

GRK: Hey, you don’t bother about them. The same thing your father must have said about you and his father about him… This generation kids are awesome ONLY if their parents NEITHER over-indulge NOR being un-mindful of them. I see some of them taking these extremes.  Do we have to teach them on boy-girl love? I FEEL we elders need to understand first before making OUR teenage friends to understand. All I wish to say to them is DO Romance  - ONLY if you like yourself first. However, the essence of romance is LOVE which MUST be unconditional, without any ‘hidden agenda’ whatsoever.

Ravi, “Conditional Love is NOTHING but a  transaction OR most times a stamp of authority with the affected soul fuming inside”. Some people do prefer to live that way. It’s their choice.

Is there a ‘Science’ behind ‘Soul-mates’?

Ravi: Can I share a LIFE ‘juice’ to boys and men, girls and women what I inferred from a path-breaking book Science of Soulmates by William Henderson on the ways and means of finding your ‘soul mate?

“The main tool in finding your soul mate is YOU. Your true self. Spend time to become your true self and this higher most powerful being will find the way”.

GRK: Do one useful thing. Write a review of that book and share the rest of the juice(s) with our friends.

Ravi: Certainly. I only read the chapter-wise review in the website. Will have to buy the full copy  from Amazon.tic gool,

Thank you for your time Shri. GRK. Am taking a 3 day break to Pondy, trying to be a responsible biological father to my wonderful children, who apart from my LIFE partner have tolerated me so far!

Hoping of finishing the rest of the ‘Hidden Treasure series’ THEN. See you soon!

Friends, let’s get ourselves trained to look for soul mates with romance energizing OUR glorious ‘avatar’ as a human being. We all have one common goal – To evolve as ‘Humane’ humankind, isn’t it? Hope the book is useful to us for better understanding as to HOW our brains work and HOW to SEEK for soul mates rather than just LOVE-mates!!! Fascinating, indeed!

With Love to you and your family,

 G&W Ravi

Hidden Treasure Series-Part IX-On Religion and Culture

My dear friends from across Mother Earth, across religions and cultures,

A relaxed Friday evening to all of you. Many a time, I used to wonder the usefulness of religion in modern era, especially in a civilized society. We are aware that religion based differences have started countless wars, even their sects with almost no difference, claiming more lives than any other cause in recorded history. 

Ravi: Pranams to you Shri. GRK. It was an awesome week that went by with almost doing nothing, but watching. Today was one the happiest days. Watching Ashwin ball-by-ball score a delightful maiden Test century against the Windies. Understanding cosmic consciousness and the connect; one of my prediction did come true today. Like to hear?

GRK: I already wished to you in your ‘inner’ introspections and ‘external’ adventures, my boy. Go ahead.

                                                    Courtesy: www.espncricinfo.com

Ravi: Thanks to ‘Times of India’, had an opportunity for a teta-a-tete with cricketer Ravichandran Ashwin and was simply stunned by the difference in the Thought(s), Word(s) and Action(s) process in him. A week after the first meeting, as playful am till today, I was playing cricket on my mobile phone when Ashvin, coming at number 7 top scored in two matches! Quite a feat considering that he is an off-spin bowler and that there are real batting stalwarts before him. I promptly SMSed him of this ‘playful’ incident and wished him that he would become the highest scorer in an innings. 8/10 would laugh at this or say wishful thinking, as we all know Ashvin as an off-spin bowler and not a batsman. Well, today, he scored a delightful Test century without any fuss and was the highest scorer in the Indian innings - coming at No.8 with only Nine, Ten and Jack to follow! FELT extremely glad that my wishful thinking came true.

On Religion

Ravi: Well, that’s the ice-breaker for the main course today. The Dalai Lama exclaims “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”  How true?

GRK: Nice to hear about Ashwin though I don’t follow cricket.  From what I hear from you, cricket is his religion and a way of life for him.

Well, Ravi, Religion means religiosity. Religiosity is an attitude of the brain. It is a way of life, practicing of a set of values such as

·         Love                                                 Gentleness

·         Non-violence                                     Compassion & Concern to co-beings

·         Neighborliness                                   Nobility                            

·         Contentment                                      Restraint on over-indulgences

Ravi:  THEN, Are visiting the places of worship, performing rituals NOT the means to reach GOD?

GRK: That’s the SAD part. Unfortunately, for majority of us religion has come to mean temples, mosques, and the churches. It has come to mean a system of beliefs and prejudices and a set of idols and rituals, rites and funerals and pilgrimages and holy bathes. Thus, we forgot that religion is only a means to realize an end, i.e., god or godliness. In this sense, religion has become a dividing force (among the people), destructive force and a negative force.

Ravi: But it is also a great unifying force, gentleman!

GRK: Yes, ONCE religion was a unifying force when humans were uncivilized or semi-civilized. However, in today’s context, in a civilized society, it ceases to be a unifying force, a constructive force or an inspiring force. An organized religion represents a hierarchy of power and thus creates and encourages a vested interest. Religion no longer represents religiosity. On the other, it is more a negation of religiosity. Hence, organized religion has no place in enlightened humans.

On Culture

Ravi: “Religious” people bound to disagree with this. So are people who believe in rituals. Let’s go with it. Moving forward, what is the real meaning of culture? Is it something to do with the way we dress or speak English?

GRK:  Nice joke. “Culture” does not mean table manners. It does not mean sophistication in dress, diet, housing and way of living.

Culture means refinement- meaning culturing, softening and mellowing of heart. It means the development of RIGHT brain – Resourceful states such as love, tolerance, generosity, compassion, tenderness, non-violence and above-all, forgiveness. Real love means a great concern to co-beings, to co-human beings-nay to the nature and surroundings. This love-this great concern-to others and their sufferings is possible when only we accept them and appreciate them as they are; but do not attempt to judge them according to our pre-conceived standards. This love nay humane love is possible only through real culture.

Ravi: May I add that, in other words, culture means tolerance to others and their way of life, however crude or imperfect it may appear to us. When only we can appreciate other, we can give tolerance to them. When only we tolerate others then only we can feel love or concern to them. Then only we can be generous and forgive the human weaknesses. For this we need tremendous patience, especially patience to bear with those who are inadequate and vulnerable (Children, women, subordinates, etc.)

GRK: Well said. Culture does not mean the development of LEFT brain and its faculties alone. It does not indicate acquiring cleverness, smartness, IQ and manipulativeness etc. it also doesn’t mean an ability to remember and acquire information (wrongly called knowledge). It is nothing to do with having status, rank, power, privilege and an influence. It certainly does not mean an ability to compete and win. Even in these days of aggressive competition, culture doesn’t mean the manipulative faculty of a person to survive in the struggle for existence, which on the other hand is feature of a ‘jungle’(sic) and NOT of a civilized society.

Ravi:  That’s awesome learning. Is culture got to do with universal values, we discussed earlier? Our first PM, Shri. Jawaharlal Nehru said “Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit.”

GRK: Absolutely. Culture is a set of human values which are universal in scope, appeal and implications. Practicing of these values and this culture-a culture of compassion, concern, non-violence, non- aggressiveness and co-existence is the only way for lasting peace and brotherhood on this tiny and fragile Earth. Thus, we need to understand and define culture in a more humane way.

Ravi: Well, not to worry Shri.GRK. I asked my daughters if they know their friends’ caste(s) and sorry came the answer. The world is in SAFE hands. Not to bother. For the moment, let’s CELEBRATE Ashwin’s century - Help yourself with a glass of beer and let me get a glass of butter milk with its condiments for myself - A toast for his religiosity and culturedness – AND, a toast to his ever-supportive family and meaningful friends as well.

Signing-off with a straight batted six! Have a celebratory weekend. Happy Thanksgiving Day as well!

Yours Truly

Ravichander Venkatraman

Hidden Treasure Series - Part VII- On ‘Family’

My dear brethren from Mother Earth’s family,

Today’s topic has an obvious answer to it – however, listen in to the words of wisdom from Shri. GRK.

Ravi: A chilly Friday evening to you Shri. GRK. Tell me, does the word ‘family’ means only blood- related?

GRK: Hi Ravi. “Chennai and Chilly-climate?” Well, to start with, let’s understand that ‘Family’ is NOT a mere group of people-parents and children-just related by blood. It means a perpetual institution of love, affection and of mutual concern.

Ravi: To beautify this statement, Can I share something with you?

GRK: Yes, go ahead…

Ravi: These are two girl children, aged around 10, i happened to know, from different cross-section of society recently.  i would not like to get to their situation nor disclose them.

“i always ask the kids to address me as ravi or ravi na.  I asked these two girls to do the same. But after an after-thought, asked them how they would like to address me?” Pat came the reply from both, in different circumstances, on different days – I did hold my breath – cos’ the answer was - ‘Appa‘(Meaning father).”

GRK: My boy, am glad that your cosmic ‘horizon’ is widening. Could also understand that those two kids may not have a biological father. So what? They have a non-biological father and that is you. You have more responsibility NOW. However, follow detached-attachment.

Ravi: Absolutely. I follow that basic principle to my bio-daughters as well. As of now, for those two girls, am making some interventions, working on the food-for-their-‘brains’ for NOW. I reckon that they are both leadership materials for the future. Both exhibit enormous courage, discipline, crystal clear communication and what not? These traits in them, ‘product’ of  devastated families - took me by surprise, initially, but not NOW.

GRK: Am happy for them Ravi.

Ravi: Tell me, why with all education and understanding, some of us on ‘Mother Earth’ still ‘fascists’?

GRK: Simple. Let’s go back to the family -Today, we come across many families which have become the centers of recurring quarrels, feuds and intrigues.  These are more the centers of conflict than that of love. The children brought up in a family in which blood-bond is over-emphasized, are likely to become caste-minded and race-minded and even fascists.

Ravi, “Family does not mean a mere co-habitation. It is a unique institution characterized by a sense of ‘we’ feeling and sense of ‘belongingness’ and a sense of ‘role’- feeling as father, mother, son or daughter. It is based on unconditional love, cohesion, unity and mutual respect and concern.”

Ravi: (To tell you the truth, both the girls exhibited all the traits that you mentioned)

 Were people earlier less quarrelsome than NOW?

GRK: True. Unfortunately, in the process of time, ‘family’ has become an institution of unequal relations and hierarchical relationships. “In this type of family, male head, the man takes granted that he is superior to the woman. He treats his wife as a private property and as one of the personal belongings. She is supposed to be his possession. Thus, he (sometimes also she) treats children equally as his possessions. After all, he gave birth to them. Hence, he thinks he has every right to treat them as his possessions and to mold them, tame them, dictate them and fashion them. Thus, he takes it granted as his birth-right to OWN the children as “belongings”(Sic). For the moment, the father forgets that children have their own interests, aptitudes and individuality. After all, they are individual human beings in their own right.”

Ravi: You are singling out fathers. Come to 2011, applicable to working or non-working mothers as well.

GRK: I agree. Very few fathers and mothers understand this fundamental fact of life. They, especially father, become blind in their parental instincts. The dictatorial behavior of father (Parent) is based on 3 false presumptions.

1.       He thinks he is older and elder and thus wiser too (equating age with wisdom is NOT true!) 

2.       The children do not know what is good for them and thus it is his duty as a parent to correct them and to mold them.

3.       After all, he is their father, and he knows what is good for them. Hence, he has a right to mold them as he likes.

Ravi: If only we think, all of us know how false and how irrational and how unscientific these assumptions of a parent, including that of ‘Yours Truly’ are!

GRK: As a result of this thinking, the parent becomes all the time corrective towards children in their sitting, eating and dressing habits, in their interests and persuasions and in their beliefs and behavior patterns. Thus the parent imposes his/her personality, and likes and dislikes on children. That parent becomes authoritarian & dictatorial possessed with an ‘all-the-time-corrective’ attitude towards children. In this way, the whole atmosphere and the interaction in the family, especially in between parents and children, becomes artificial, formal and contrived. The relationship between parents and children loses its spontaneity, informality and warmth. Sadly, the children brought up in this type of family develop many inhibitions, complexes, fears, phobias, double-standards and a sense of insecurity. No child’s personality can bloom to-the-full under the authority of ever-correcting parent. A corrective mentality is a red-pencil mentality. It is a feature, nay a disease, of an over-active LEFT brain. A corrective LEFT brain always searches for the loopholes and faults in others and also expects perfection from human beings! Hah hah! How funny human ‘brains’ are?

Ravi: And, the larger implications?

GRK: The family, which is supposed to be the ‘school of civic virtues’, may even turn out to be a breeding and training center of children with fear, jealousy, hatred and suspicions and recriminations and complexes, in any part of the society, anywhere. In this type of family, the members may have at best ‘mating’ interest or ‘economic’ interest (for property inheritance). But, they may NOT have the sacred and unconditional love, mutual affection and concern and respect to one another’s personality (individuality).

Ravi: And WHAT are the implication(s) to nation(s) as it comprises millions of families?

GRK: That  nation, where ‘family’ relations ARE authoritarian and unequal in nature, CANNOT train citizens for democracy. It cannot build up democracy in the country and also the world-brotherhood of nations. As simple as that.

Ravi: Thank you for the sharing. Could be an ‘awakener’ to many like me who have a skewed understanding so far that family is only blood-related. Thank you so much.

GRK: My pleasure, Ravi. Take care and see you soon.

Folks, hope you have enjoyed the conversation. Do munch and share your thoughts.

Signing off with my best wishes to all of you and your wonderful families.

Kind Regards

Ravichander Venkatraman

Hidden Treasure Series - Part II - On ‘Service and Sacrifice’

Dear Folks,

From the feedback received, from Singapore to Saudi  Arabia to Slovenia, I could understand that the previous blog on ‘love’ was well received and cherished by everyone. Here we go with the 2^nd part of the ‘Hidden Treasure’ series on ‘LIFE  EXPLORATIONS’, where we share with you the excerpts of that book, written by Shri.GRK, in the  form of a lively conversation between him and ‘Yours Truly’.

Ravi: A warm welcome to you Shri. GRK. You would be happy to note that our blog is slowly reaching the length and breadth of this cosmos. Hopefully they will get to read in Mars and Jupiter as well whenever Man gets there!

GRK:  That’s nice to hear, Ravi. You know, “Life is all about Caring and Sharing”. We are NOW going to share on THAT one aspect of LIFE which emanates from the highest compassion.

Ravi:  I guess you are referring to ‘Service and Sacrifice’. Please go ahead. Am all ‘ears’!

What is Service?

GRK: Ravi, “Service is a noble act. It is the result of the FEELING of a great concern to others and their situations. It emanates from the highest compassion and tender generosity to those who are in distress and suffering”.

Ravi: Again should it be conditional with expectations or unconditional?

GRK: Well, service does not have any expectations. It does NOT have utilitarian motives and conditions.

Ravi: However, today we find service being professionalized as well!

GRK: Service becomes a business or a bargain when it is professionalized. Thus, it loses the noble human touch. Also service cannot take place in between a superior and an inferior relationship. It does not have connotations of levels, inequality and privilege, obligation and gratitude.

Ravi: Oh! Allow me to share what I was seriously contemplating doing couple of years back. On seeing the plight of the ‘have-nots’ lacking a platform to excel, I wanted to promote their talents through G&W foundation - Spot, nurture & manage them; and run it like a business. Now, I understand that one should not mix business and service! Thanks a ton for getting this thought into my brain!

GRK: Well, Ravi, your thought is indeed noble.  However, you can help ‘enable’ provide a platform to the ‘have-nots’, in a myriad of ways. I know that you are a sincere ‘Enabler’ of people, aren’t you? Simply stick with/to that.

Ravi: Thank you so much. Shri. Perez also said the same. He would be happy hearing this. Will keep DOING the same and would never forget this nugget of wisdom!

Ravi: Moving on, yesterday, in Chennai, there was a festival and people were distributing food to everyone and the roads in Mylapore and Mandaveli were choked, with a ‘sea of humanity’. Is this also one form of service?

GRK: yes and NO.  yes, because some FEW hungry and parched throats get succor. However, quite often, unfortunately, service becomes a means of expression of one’s EGO. In fact, it is advocated in many traditional religions as a ‘modus operandi’ to attain the religious merit (punya),the doer of service feels it as his privilege and thus quench his/her ego. Not only that, he/she takes it as a means to attain moksha (realization-heaven-resurrection or nirvana).

 Moreover, in this spirit and context, and in this type of relationship, the spirit of service is lost. It becomes an unholy act with a utilitarian motive. Service is possible when only there is a genuine love  - nay a sacred love towards those who are suffering and the vulnerable. This ‘love’ is holy, unconditional and unexpecting anything in return. (from the recipients of service)

Ravi: Awesome! We got the ‘meat’ of the matter. However, with humans becoming more and more materialistic, parents and peers inducing  “marks race” into children and THEN “money race” taking over, can service THEN be taught?

GRK: NOT at all. Service canNOT be taught. Showing lip sympathy, pretending compassion, following usual courtesies and table-manners, do not substitute for a genuine throbbing compassion and love. This compassion is possible only in a heart of great innocence and spontaneity.

Ravi: Hmmm. Super. I need a break. Will be back in two minutes….

Ravi: Shri. GRK, I was thinking of the scores of women folks (Pardon me men-folk for this singling out) who sacrifice(d) themselves for the well-being of their near and dear ones. I guess there are plenty of examples of ‘humane’ humans in this cosmos, across religions who have done SUCH sacrifice(s). I for one could think of the yesteryear grandmas in India who have sacrificed their LIFE for their near and dear ones and still continue to do so amidst their failing health!

What is Sacrifice, THEN?

GRK: Am glad that you remember them fondly. Sacrifice is forgoing oneself and his/her intense desires so as to help others and their desires fulfilled. It is renouncing of oneself and his/her desires for the happiness and peace (fulfillment) of others. THUS, Sacrifice is the highest form of service.

Ravi: You know, in one our earlier blogs we have mentioned about Shri. KVR. Today, thanks to his altruism, single-handedly, without an iota of publicity, lives of 12,000+ people, mostly children of the ‘have-nots’  ARE changed for the better. And he toils at his 60+ age for the well-being of others. This service and sacrifice coming from a technocrat in this ‘digital age’ was astounding to me, akin to Warren Buffet-like and Bill Gates-like!

GRK: Ravi, if you observe keenly, realized souls like Shri. KVR are detached and they don’t SUFFER from the obsessions AND possessiveness of varied forms in this world. Also, they aren’t conscious that they are sacrificing and don’t want to make a name or fame out of it! Do you get the point?

Ravi: Very much. All I know is that Almighty has been kind enough to enable me BE in the company of such holy souls.  

Ravi: Onto sacrifice, can we compare the sacrifices done by various people - Say, if there was a ‘patti mandram’ or ‘Neeya Naana’(Debates of various kinds on the Telly) as to Whose sacrifice was greater – Say Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi?

GRK: ‘That’ thinking itself is ‘simply STUPID’, my boy. In a nutshell, Sacrifice is possible when only there is no comparison between people and things. Thus it eliminates competition. Sacrifice is holy and altruistic. Hence, it is the highest form of service. Like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi… and living ‘humane’ souls like Shri. KVR, as you observed. Please dedicate this ‘piece’ in his honor.

Ravi: That would be wonderful. Will do.  However, please be assured that he may not read this ‘piece’ as he is ‘living’ it!

GRK: That’s fine, Ravi. We need to THINK of such souls and celebrate THEM as well, in a simple way, preferably when they  are alive. This way we are showing our unconditional love and affection towards such people.

“Can you allow me now to take leave Ravi, as it’s time for my evening walk?” Thanks for your time too. Next in the series will share what ‘Values’ are about, again the most confused word in today’s context, many a time we humans conveniently forgetting the ‘Universal Values’.

Ravi: Shri. GRK,I guess this ‘piece’ itself needs to be munched longer. So am gonna do that, so are our readers. Thank you so much for this sharing.  Look forward to our discussion next Friday.

Folks, hope you enjoyed this sharing like we both enjoyed sharing with you all – All pure ‘LIFE JUICES’ without any religious connotation, whatsoever. Is applicable and useful to all living humans of all sizes and shapes – from ‘haves’ or ‘have-nots’, whether one follows Religion A or Religion Z, are able-bodied or differently-abled!  However, watching Discovery channel, I observe that some ‘humane’ souls in the animal kingdom too practice what Shri.GRK has said!

I sign off with unbridled joy like a three-year old! Am turning “Naughty Two” (Sorry,42) next Saturday, however FEELING as young and agile as ever, like when I was 22 and of course wish to be ever-naughty like a child! No complaints from my wife, though! Hah Ha!

Cheers and all of you have a peaceful weekend. If possible, for the future of the ‘nature cursed’ but lovely Japanese and passionate Libyans wanting democracy! For best results for  them, picture them in front of your eyes, close your eyes and let your eyes point downwards on your right side! After 5 minutes of deep silence, take a deep breath and say aloud “YES, the Japs and the Libyans would get better”. Use your hands as a gesture to show your true love, the way u like. This way, we all can send ‘positive’ Universal Energy to them, in trickles, though, which the learned SAY that, it’s  abundant in the cosmos! Some, like my cousin sister, light candles, online or offline. The ‘pure’ thought is good enough, the methods may vary, isn’t it? Amen!

Anbudan

Ravi 

Hidden Treasure Series - Part I - On ‘Love’

Dear Folks, young and not-so-young,

It has been around 2 ½  months since I key-stroked my last blog. End December 2010, I visited Anand Ashram at Kanhangad. Suffice is to say that it’s one of the holiest places, sans GODs, “God-men” OR “God-women”, sans ‘routine’ discourses and back-breaking rituals. I stayed for 4 days, was in absolute peace, sans mundane meetings and meaningless talks. Was fortunate to meet some sages, some ‘sage-like’, and many awesome ‘humane’ humans as well. The hospitality was stunning and seen to be believed! An hour away from Mangalore, I visited my ‘Life Guru’ Shri. GRK and stayed with him for a couple of days. He presented me with his book ‘Life Explorations’ written 2 decades back, which was never published for sale. Ten minutes into reading the book I went to him and complained in a raised voice as to How come he didn’t give that book to me so far! (For starters, I have written about Shri.GRK in my first blog).

My dear readers, the book(Allow me to name it a ‘Hidden Treasure’), 42 pages in all, all sentences written in small caps, without any comparisons or fictional stories, without any religious connotation / politics; is full of ‘LIFE JUICE(S)’ – For YOU and me, for YOUR family and my family, for believers / non-believers, educated/not-so educated, rich or not-so-rich, for the humane souls to ‘not-so-humane’ souls. Simply, to ALL human-kind. It’s upto each individual to take, drink the juice, cherish and digest it. Also, it’s upto the individual to share with others like HOW Shri. GRK asked me to share with YOU all – In the form of a conversation between Him and ‘Yours Truly’! We start the ‘Hidden Treasure Series’ with WHAT everyone WANTS and not many giving / getting IT- i.e. Love or being Loved. Allow me to add, in the purest form! Read on…  

What is Love?

Ravi: Shri. GRK, many in India, thanks to the print and media, SEE ‘Love’ as a relationship between a girl or a boy, man or woman, some kind of attachment. Are they not correct?

GRK: Hmmm. Ravi, “Love does not mean a relationship between man and woman. Neither it’s an attachment, nor a pity. Love does not mean a FEELING of possessiveness or obsession” either.

Ravi: Oh! What is Love THEN, in this fast-food world, humans needing instant success and instant gratification? Also, what’s wrong with a husband or wife being possessive of each other and a mother obsessed with her only child?

GRK: We are living in a civilization in which we want to possess NOT only houses, cars and gadgets, but also wives, husbands, children, institutions and ideas as well.  Love is nothing to do with all these, and it is not based on the instinct of self-possessiveness or over-obsession.  Love does not have anything to do with the satisfaction of desire and the pleasure as well.

Ravi: Hah ha! What an outstanding thought? Mothers may complain though! Shall we say then, that ‘Love’ is some kind of concern? Again, should it be conditional or un-conditional?

GRK: You are on-the-dot, Ravi.  Love is a concern - a feeling of identification-to co-beings, to nature, to a situation, to an event and to a reality. It is an unconditional concern and does not have expectations-particularly commercial and utilitarian, THUS love is sacred and sublime.

Ravi: In that sense, it is correct if one could say that he/she loved a beggar and that he/she loved a leper?

GRK: Yes. Not only that, Do we mean REAL love when we say that I love my book, that I love my wife, that I love my car etc.?

OR  

Could we say that we love our religion - NOT in the sense of loving one’s rituals, denominations, gods, goddesses and images-BUT religion as a feeling of concern, to the nature and beings?

OR 

Could we say that we love our country - NOT as patriotism, as sentiment, as nationality and as a racial superiority (pride) but as a GENUINE concern to the people around us? 

OR 

Could we say that we love nature and flowers - NOT to make them garlands so as to make use of them for our use, for fragrance or for prayer, but that we love them as they are and appreciate them as a ‘sight of joy’ and nature’s gift and are concerned to them and are moved to ecstasy by their beauty? 

Ravi: So, you SAY that ‘Love’ is unconditional, sacred and sublime? Am I with you Shri. GRK?

GRK: Yes, Ravi. Could we NOW understand that THIS love which is ‘unconditional, sacred and sublime’? If not this concern, what else is love? Allow me to add that, that concern should be towards co-beings, living or dead, nature, living things or non-living things. We have seen children loving their teddy’s so dearly! Have you noticed?

Ravi: Very much. Read somewhere that even non-living things do have a soul. My younger daughter speaks to her Teddy as though it’s a living dog, talks to the very old scooter I have(which still works to my surprise!), maybe thanks to her ‘unconditional love’ on them! Maybe she speaks to their souls!

GRK: If so, all I can SAY is that she has an awesome RIGHT brain which you know is very benevolent and kind. Also, she is far ahead than your thinking and doing. So do most of this generation kids. Remember that.

Ravi: Well said. In fact I’ve shared a blog “Three powerful Diamonds”, long ago, what we learnt from her. Many liked the diamonds and as I understand are NOW being SHARED around in this cosmos!

Thank you, Shri. GRK, for your time. Please could you advise what’s the ‘treasure’ which we shall share with the human-kind next week?

GRK: Sure. Let it be on ‘Service and Sacrifice’. Many of us have a not-so-right opinion on that as we FEEL that’s not for us. We FEEL that those are for the NGO’s, religious organizations and CSR programmes!


Ravi: That would be awesome Shri. GRK. Thank you once again for your time. Look forward to our teta-tete next week.

Folks, DO share what you FELT reading this first ‘piece’ in the ‘Hidden Treasure’ Series. Shri. GRK has lot more to share with all of us. Never found wanting of enthusiasm and energy, this learned ‘sage’ is an epitome of humility and ‘Caring and Sharing’, sans publicity. Is an institution by himself -> Like Anand Ashram, instituted by revered Papa Ramdas in 1933. Till date, haven’t seen an advertisement of any sort. Hence “It’s a not a “cult” for scandals to erupt!” Hah ha!

Let me end with a nice quote on Love, taken from VSET, an offshoot of Anand Ashram.

The sun shines for others,
the trees bear fruit for others,
the rivers flow for the good of others.
Human birth is, likewise, meant for doing good to others.

Love gave us willing, caring hands,
to perform some helpful deed.
Love gave us sympathetic words,
to answer someone's need.
Love gave us soft hearts,
to aid another along the way.
Love gave us smiles and laughter,
to brighten someone's day.
Love gave us all these treasured gifts,
for helping one another.
Love works through us all,
so that we care for each other!

Endrum Anbudan

Ravi

Ps: The holy souls in Anand Ashram, chant ‘Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai  Jai Ram’ non-stop from 6AM-6PM, everyday, rain or shine. Have recorded the chanting during the New Year ’s Eve. Found it soothing, helps even noisy souls like me to be in peace and the elderly in absolute bliss! If you or the elderly in your family / neighbor’s, (your pet doggy and catty  too) like to hear, write to me @ ravi@gatesandwindows.in Will email the link in the ‘cloud’, where it has been saved. For my ‘non-believer’ friends, Ram mentioned here is NOT the ‘fictional’ King of Ayodhya. You advise me then, what’s the meaning of this ‘Ram’?