Apathy, Sympathy and Empathy

My dear friends on Mother Earth,

Am pained and disturbed. Deeply disturbed. By men and women. By their apathy (indifference) and lip-service sympathy (sic) to fellow human-beings. Without love and compassion; when Dogs and Elephants have high level of them! Folks, I strongly believe that the opposite of love is APATHY and NOT hate.

Will share couple of real-life scenarios to make understand the three terms better. Shall I?

Scenario 1

In 2010, I was on a thanks-giving visit to Sabarimala with a group of 17 including a 70 year-old woman whose 5 blood relatives were also part of the troupe. Well, to cut the long story short, all the 15(Except the old woman and ‘Yours Truly’) rushed to climb the hill leaving us. I was in a child-like bliss and started my walk very slowly, watching and enjoying the nature. I saw this old lady struggling to climb the hill. She was panting for breath. I was shocked to find none of her so-called blood relatives whom she fed were there to help her climb. Probably, they all were busy to mark their attendance to Lord Ayyappa before the closing time of 12 Noon!

I removed the heavy irumudi bag from her head and also two other bags which she was carrying. I put my arm around her shoulder and cared for her the same way I used to care  my biological mother during our spiritual trips, including that wonderful blissful trip to Vaishno Devi in 1996. With every  100m, we rested for a minute, gave her Glucose, Pine apple bites laced with salt etc, to shore up the energy. We reached abode the hill and it was half past 12 Noon. The ‘gang’ by then had finished marking the ‘attendance’, but then it must have stuck them that they have left back the old lady! Upon seeing us their palpable tension was relieved. The tired septuagenarian lady didn’t utter any word to them! Later, in the evening, when all had gathered in the room, I apologized to her that couldn’t make her see Ayyappa before noon. She shot back saying ”Ravi, why do you have to come all the way here to see Ayyappa?”(meaning when HE is already inside me!) Hearing that I was in a blissful state(which can’t be shared but can only be experienced!) Went to HIM and thanked HIM for having made me a ‘humane’ human being!

(Ps: Lesson learnt, her 5 blood relatives and others as well took utmost care of the old lady during the climb-down. I was not required! Hah Ha!)

Scenario 2

A highly ‘pure’ angel-like friend of mine has a child who is a dyslexic. She says that she is unable to take her child for social functions as the so called intelligent human beings are apathic. Some have sympathy but absolutely no empathy. Sometimes they laugh at the child for being unable to comprehend simple things. The mother is deeply disturbed. So are the mothers of children who are autistic, mentally retarded, spastic, physically/visually challenged etc. Are you with me? Can you feel how they all FEEL everyday, every single minute?

Scenario 3

A friend of mine and his friend, both visually challenged, were standing in a bus stand to take a bus to go to college. There was lot of people around. On seeing these two, some were apathic and some felt sympathy(In Thamizh, ‘Ayyo paavam’) and when their bus came they all left. No one was there to help these two wonderful souls to board the correct bus they are supposed to take. Can you please put yourself in those two people’s shoes and think? Wouldn’t you have waited to help these two souls?

Scenario 4

An intelligent woman holds a doctorate and who has two children hires a Kitchen Enabler(a.k.a cook).Even if she is late even for a few minutes in the morning or evening, she scolds her without realizing that the cook too has young children to be sent to school and she is a mother as well like this doctorate woman! Let’s spare a thought to those who help us. Shouldn’t we?

Folks, do you need any more scenarios to understand the concept of Apathy, Sympathy and Empathy? 

Now, please CTRL+ click and visit the blog on Values.

It’s lack of compassion, isn’t it?

Now, have you read that blog? I suspect lack of compassion is the reason for people lacking empathy which is the highest form of LOVE, wise opine. I suspect that Empathy cannot be taught using a PPT. It has to come from within and that experience is the best teacher. I say that empathy must be taught during childhood (Ideally by parents, notably mother) According to me, lack of empathy was/is a common symptom of narcissism. There are lots of them amidst us, isn’t it? What do you say? They have to be reformed, isn’t it?

Sympathy and Empathy  - There’s a thin wedge separating the two

Therefore, Sympathy is a socially generated emotion, and empathy is a spiritually generated emotion. I have learnt to have empathy even with the apathic people mentioned in the examples above as they do not ‘love’ and mostly those people weren’t loved either especially during childhood.

For better understanding of Sympathy and Empathy please click and watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pDpQXO7gklg

In other words, Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others. It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. Both words have similar usage but differ in their emotional meaning. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes". So empathy is a deeper emotional experience. Empathy is known to increase pro-social (helping) behaviors. Empathic people make awesome leaders, artists, doctors etc. 

Folks, don’t you think IF humans beings, like Dogs and Elephants(Watch DC/AP channels) have loads of empathy- THEN wouldn’t the family, state, country and this beautiful world be a better place? What do you say? Do munch and share your FEELINGS on this. 

Friends, I apologise for the gap in writing. But somehow someone, known or unknown, gently tap my shoulder to make me write again. I thank them and God or God-particle for this intervention.

Allow me to end sharing loads of unconditional and undiluted love , compassion and empathy to all of you and your wonderful families and friends. Do share the LIFE JUICE in this blog with them. Wouldn't you?

Amen! Tashvidanya!

Love
Ravi

“You can, in a small way, gently shake the world” - Mahatma Gandhi

Hidden Treasure Series-Part XVIII- On TRUTH and THE MEANING OF LIFE

My dear friends,

As we progress to the last Part of the Hidden Treasure Series, am duty-bound to thank God and God-particle for making me atleast irregularly regular or sometimes regularly irregular as regards my key-stroking this Series. Thank you blogger. Thank you techies.

Many of us must have wondered at some point in time on the purpose of Life, isn’t it? Is Life is just a series of experiences? Is it a mere existence? It is not just a biological and physiological ‘dragging of feet’? Is LIFE a passage of time from one point of time to another point of time? Folks, time to walk-the-talk with Shri.GRK and get to meat of LIFE or the juice of LIFE.

Ravi: Sunny evening Shri. GRK. Today G&W turned 12 today and great to have you amidst us.

GRK: Congratulations Ravi. Kilo-Miles to go before you sleep.

Ravi: Ha Hah! Well, Shri.GRK, does LIFE have any purpose? Nay any meaning? What is its sumnum bonum? Is there any intrinsic value to life other than existence? Does it have any implication for itself and by itself? Is life something different from its roles, responsibilities, and attachments? Does it leave any mark or an impact, on the sands of time? These are the eternal questions agitating the human brain. Can you please enlighten us more on the meaning of LIFE?

GRK: Hi Ravi, before understanding about LIFE, we need to understand that TRUTH is the meaning of LIFE and existence.

Ravi: IS TRUTH a kind of reality?

GRK: Truth is that “exists” (sat). It is THE fundamental reality. It could be a fact, or a reality. Truth is much more than these, for, it is eternal and universal. The reality and the fact are passing phenomena. Truth could have regional variations and interpretation. But the core of truth, nay the essence of truth is the same for all the people and for all times.

Truth has to be perceived and experienced rather than argued and understood. Truth cannot be understood through argumentation. In an argumentation to win, truth becomes a casualty. The arguer with his ego cannot understand truth. The human ego and truth cannot co-exist.

Arguing about and understanding truth is not important. No, not even needed. Perceiving truth, nay, realizing truth and living it is most important. The very proof of somebody realizing the truth is his living it. The life of a seeker who has realized the truth, becomes a totally different experience. Then his life (life to him!) becomes a thrill, a joy and a creative and spontaneous experience. Then it permeates light, as well as love; that divine quality of compassion and forgiveness. Thus, the realization of truth makes life meaningful. In other words, truth is the meaning of life and creation.

Ravi: WOW! What a TRUTH!

Ravi: Shri. GRK, for some LIFE may be chasing of material career, and achievement. For some, it may be an exercise of power and fame and swaying over people. For some others, it may be an endless pursuit of pleasure and indulgence in instincts. Could this really and fully explain the meaning of life?

After life what? Could biological determinism justify life as a mere natural struggle-struggle for existence and survival of the fittest? Could economic determinism proclaim that man lives by bread alone? Could theories of repressionism, explain total life in terms of unfulfilled instincts and frustrated egos?

GRK: Listen carefully. The ideologues of free will argue that life is something different, something precious and something unique from mere existence. Is it true!? Does this free will exist in spite of and beyond life? Does this free will have an intrinsic existence for itself separately from life? We do not know. I do not know. Let us probe with fresh brains, non-prejudiced brains. For this we need a quest for understanding life.

Ravi: Do the great personalities like Buddha, Christ and Gandhi prove that their will is different from the will of others? Are they super human?

GRK: No. not at all. In fact, they proved that they are the part of all of us the ordinary mortals. They had their life cycle their attachments, their agonies, their roles and ultimately their passing off from this earth. But, still, what they proclaim about life? What they prove about it? They proclaim that life is what you wish it to be; it is what you want it to be. It is what you wish it ought to be. You are the architect of your own life. Fate is nothing but a reflection of yourself.

For them, life is a composition, a proportion, a harmony, (compromise!?) and a synthesis, while death is a de-composition. For them life is thrill, a duty (karma).A joy and a song and natural rhythm (dharma).  Nothing more than this, they do not have any message other than their life. All their lives reflect, proclaim and enunciate only one message: that life is compassion, a concern nay a great concern, after all, this concern is love-an unconditional love, and a sacred love- a love without attachments and expectations and values.  Thus, sumnum bonum of life is ‘love’ and forgiveness. The meaning of love, nay life, cannot be understood and talked about. It is to be and it has to be realized and lived. This love is real living and this living itself is life. Nothing beyond and nothing beside is LIFE.

Ravi: That’s awesome learning Shri. GRK.  Since the meaning of LIFE is love and forgiveness, hope my life-partner would forgive for all her agonies for the non-conformist life I was/am leading. She is the epitome of what you said of LIFE. She has great compassion and empathy towards others and ours maybe was a sacred love as it was without any expectations. Thank you again God and God-Particle for all these experiences in LIFE.

I sign off wishing you all an enlightened weekend.

Kind Regards

G&W Ravi

Hidden Treasure Series-Part IX-On Religion and Culture

My dear friends from across Mother Earth, across religions and cultures,

A relaxed Friday evening to all of you. Many a time, I used to wonder the usefulness of religion in modern era, especially in a civilized society. We are aware that religion based differences have started countless wars, even their sects with almost no difference, claiming more lives than any other cause in recorded history. 

Ravi: Pranams to you Shri. GRK. It was an awesome week that went by with almost doing nothing, but watching. Today was one the happiest days. Watching Ashwin ball-by-ball score a delightful maiden Test century against the Windies. Understanding cosmic consciousness and the connect; one of my prediction did come true today. Like to hear?

GRK: I already wished to you in your ‘inner’ introspections and ‘external’ adventures, my boy. Go ahead.

                                                    Courtesy: www.espncricinfo.com

Ravi: Thanks to ‘Times of India’, had an opportunity for a teta-a-tete with cricketer Ravichandran Ashwin and was simply stunned by the difference in the Thought(s), Word(s) and Action(s) process in him. A week after the first meeting, as playful am till today, I was playing cricket on my mobile phone when Ashvin, coming at number 7 top scored in two matches! Quite a feat considering that he is an off-spin bowler and that there are real batting stalwarts before him. I promptly SMSed him of this ‘playful’ incident and wished him that he would become the highest scorer in an innings. 8/10 would laugh at this or say wishful thinking, as we all know Ashvin as an off-spin bowler and not a batsman. Well, today, he scored a delightful Test century without any fuss and was the highest scorer in the Indian innings - coming at No.8 with only Nine, Ten and Jack to follow! FELT extremely glad that my wishful thinking came true.

On Religion

Ravi: Well, that’s the ice-breaker for the main course today. The Dalai Lama exclaims “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”  How true?

GRK: Nice to hear about Ashwin though I don’t follow cricket.  From what I hear from you, cricket is his religion and a way of life for him.

Well, Ravi, Religion means religiosity. Religiosity is an attitude of the brain. It is a way of life, practicing of a set of values such as

·         Love                                                 Gentleness

·         Non-violence                                     Compassion & Concern to co-beings

·         Neighborliness                                   Nobility                            

·         Contentment                                      Restraint on over-indulgences

Ravi:  THEN, Are visiting the places of worship, performing rituals NOT the means to reach GOD?

GRK: That’s the SAD part. Unfortunately, for majority of us religion has come to mean temples, mosques, and the churches. It has come to mean a system of beliefs and prejudices and a set of idols and rituals, rites and funerals and pilgrimages and holy bathes. Thus, we forgot that religion is only a means to realize an end, i.e., god or godliness. In this sense, religion has become a dividing force (among the people), destructive force and a negative force.

Ravi: But it is also a great unifying force, gentleman!

GRK: Yes, ONCE religion was a unifying force when humans were uncivilized or semi-civilized. However, in today’s context, in a civilized society, it ceases to be a unifying force, a constructive force or an inspiring force. An organized religion represents a hierarchy of power and thus creates and encourages a vested interest. Religion no longer represents religiosity. On the other, it is more a negation of religiosity. Hence, organized religion has no place in enlightened humans.

On Culture

Ravi: “Religious” people bound to disagree with this. So are people who believe in rituals. Let’s go with it. Moving forward, what is the real meaning of culture? Is it something to do with the way we dress or speak English?

GRK:  Nice joke. “Culture” does not mean table manners. It does not mean sophistication in dress, diet, housing and way of living.

Culture means refinement- meaning culturing, softening and mellowing of heart. It means the development of RIGHT brain – Resourceful states such as love, tolerance, generosity, compassion, tenderness, non-violence and above-all, forgiveness. Real love means a great concern to co-beings, to co-human beings-nay to the nature and surroundings. This love-this great concern-to others and their sufferings is possible when only we accept them and appreciate them as they are; but do not attempt to judge them according to our pre-conceived standards. This love nay humane love is possible only through real culture.

Ravi: May I add that, in other words, culture means tolerance to others and their way of life, however crude or imperfect it may appear to us. When only we can appreciate other, we can give tolerance to them. When only we tolerate others then only we can feel love or concern to them. Then only we can be generous and forgive the human weaknesses. For this we need tremendous patience, especially patience to bear with those who are inadequate and vulnerable (Children, women, subordinates, etc.)

GRK: Well said. Culture does not mean the development of LEFT brain and its faculties alone. It does not indicate acquiring cleverness, smartness, IQ and manipulativeness etc. it also doesn’t mean an ability to remember and acquire information (wrongly called knowledge). It is nothing to do with having status, rank, power, privilege and an influence. It certainly does not mean an ability to compete and win. Even in these days of aggressive competition, culture doesn’t mean the manipulative faculty of a person to survive in the struggle for existence, which on the other hand is feature of a ‘jungle’(sic) and NOT of a civilized society.

Ravi:  That’s awesome learning. Is culture got to do with universal values, we discussed earlier? Our first PM, Shri. Jawaharlal Nehru said “Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit.”

GRK: Absolutely. Culture is a set of human values which are universal in scope, appeal and implications. Practicing of these values and this culture-a culture of compassion, concern, non-violence, non- aggressiveness and co-existence is the only way for lasting peace and brotherhood on this tiny and fragile Earth. Thus, we need to understand and define culture in a more humane way.

Ravi: Well, not to worry Shri.GRK. I asked my daughters if they know their friends’ caste(s) and sorry came the answer. The world is in SAFE hands. Not to bother. For the moment, let’s CELEBRATE Ashwin’s century - Help yourself with a glass of beer and let me get a glass of butter milk with its condiments for myself - A toast for his religiosity and culturedness – AND, a toast to his ever-supportive family and meaningful friends as well.

Signing-off with a straight batted six! Have a celebratory weekend. Happy Thanksgiving Day as well!

Yours Truly

Ravichander Venkatraman

Hidden Treasure Series - Part III - On ‘Values’

My dear Brethren from across this universe,

Often films and books portray with varied characters depicting degradation of values. We do see in real life-from prisoners to politicians, from celebrities to commoner, isn’t it?

What are ‘Values’?

What are ‘values’, THEN? Do they differ from place to place, time to time? Are there universal values?

Read on…

GRK: Advance birthday wishes Ravi. I understand that you are in your early forties and getting naughty as well!

Ravi: A warm welcome to you Shri. GRK. Thank you so much for your wishes. Don’t you know that I’m always naughty, as I wish to be child-like, with spontaneous joy and laughter? Also I don’t complicate LIFE.

GRK: Hmmm. Ravi, that leaves me wondering about “What happened to mankind? Where are his/her values? Instead of making his/her life a spontaneous joy, have these values NOT made his life on earth more miserable?

Ravi: Do you mean that human beings don’t need to have values?

GRK: You got it wrong, Ravi. Look, under the name of ‘value of patriotism’, one nation is massacring the people of other nations. Under the name of ‘value of hard work’, one section of people are exploiting the other. Under the name of ‘value of character’, (especially sex based) we have made men and women sinners. Under the name of ‘value of justice’, (in the courts) we have jailed and tortured people. All these under the name of values, my dear!!!

Ravi: As you SAY now, my blood boils hearing the plight of the hapless Libyans being bombarded and torn between the UN forces and its own dictator. BTW, what are ‘values’? Please could you define it for our better understanding?

GRK: Sure. Values are cherished feelings; they are the measuring rods with which we measure people, things and actions. They are the barometers to judge the people and their actions. However, values are discretory in nature; such as right or wrong, good/bad, truth/untruth etc.

Ravi, often people talk about the values and about their worth and need in life. There are many values. Perhaps mankind’s curse is that we are obsessed with innumerable values-like value of patriotism, value of character, (especially sex controlled behavior), value of propriety and value of truth etc.  From sunshine to sunset and beyond, we are obsessed with values, in our food (veg/non-veg), in our dress (mini/maxi), sex life (monogamy/polygamy) and in all other contexts of life.                           

Ravi: Are values valid for all times, at all places?

GRK: No. Not at all. Many of the values are relative in nature and vary from time to time, place to place, country to country and from one section of people to the other. For instance, patriotism as a value, has different meanings for two fighting nations.  Same way, monogamy-based character has different meanings to different religions.

What are universal values?

Ravi: Does this mean that there are no universal values?

GRK: Good question, my boy. Of course, there are universal values and they are very few in number. The foremost value is the ‘value of life’ or value of ‘self preservation’. Humans need to take care of themselves first. Both their physical bodies and their ‘mind’ as well. Most women, after childbirth, in India, seldom take care of their physical bodies, the gift of nature!

Ravi: Well said, now I understand how you remain ‘fighting fit’ even when you are about to become a septuagenarian! Your long walks everyday thereby sweating out must be THE secret of your ENERGY and drive...

GRK: Well said Ravi. ‘Sweating out’ everyday increases the immune power in humans. I guess there is lot of awareness in India today. Take your pick – be it swimming, skipping, playing games like badminton and tennis OR atleast a brisk 30 min walk everyday. That’s for the body. Yoga and meditation is for the mind.

Ravi: Please do share the other Universal values as well.

GRK: The ‘value of compassion’ nay love and concern to co-beings is the next. (Not only to co-human beings!) This is essential for the peaceful and happy living on earth. Same way, the ‘value of truth’ is essential for the functioning of LIFE itself. The ‘value of peace’ which is expressed in the principles of non-interference, non-aggression and non-violence is equally universally valid. This is positively expressed in the form of peaceful co-existence among people creeds, races and nations.

Ravi: I guess this is the value that the American high-handed administration never learns!

GRK: Well, I don’t wish to increase my blood pressure talking about WHAT they have done in Vietnam / Iraq /Afghanistan and now in Libya when there are other measures to handle such situations.

Well, let’s get back to the topic.”Do we really believe in these values? How many of us are conscious of these in everyday life and practice these in everyday life?” As a result, this tiny, beautiful, fragile earth became unbearable to live with-full of sorrow, cruelty, violence, exploitation inequality and cunningness, isn’t it? On the other hand, we are using the slogan of values to JUDGE people, to criticize them and EVEN to punish and torture them. Instead of accepting people as they are, and appreciating them, we are judging them all the time under the name of values. Instead of showing them the concern and compassion, we are labeling them as blacks, duller, criminals, inferiors and untouchables. Thus, values have come to stand in the way of natural and spontaneous interaction among human beings.

Ravi: Do we infer that mankind suffer from the obsession of values?

GRK: Yes, Ravi. Strangely and surprisingly, humans are the only animal, with all their advanced brain, suffers from the obsession of values. No other animal has values, neither has it talked about them to fool others. With all these values, what is the behavior of a human being? He his greedier, more selfish, crueler, more cunning and more exploiting others, than any other animal! No other animal haunts others and kills them except for its food; while humans does it for his shikari(hunting) pleasure. Even a snake does not bite except in its attempt for its self preservation, but humans back-bites the other constantly; nay stabs in the back. Dogs and cats are more loyal, while humans betrays their colleagues and masters constantly. The human, the so-called ‘image of God’, appears to be much degrading and demeaning to their very existence than any other animal.

Ravi: Could understand the ‘functional’ anger in you Shri. GRK. Shall I help you with a glass of water?

GRK: Thank you Ravi for your kindness. Moving on, in his attempt to fulfill his selfish needs and to achieve his greed, humans have violated all the natural laws, all the cannons and all the basic principles of LIFE itself. As a result, he is destroying the nature, disfiguring and polluting the earth and torturing co-human beings. Hence, we see tremendous inequality, racial prejudice, economic exploitation and social violence on the earth. Aren’t all other beings on earth living more happily and joyfully and more naturally and spontaneously than humans?

Ravi: You are painting a grim picture about the future of human kind, Shri GRK. Is it really possible for humans to get back their lost paradise- nay, happiness?

GRK: Very relevant question, Ravi. It is possible, if only humans realize that there are only very few absolute and universal values, while all other values are insignificantly relative. It is possible if only humans  begins to show a little more compassion and little more concern and little more love towards other. Humans could be compassionate and forgiving to others, when only he STOPS judging people and begins to accept them as they are-with all their limitations and inadequacies. After all, compassion multiplies lives while the so-called judgment (justice) takes away lives. Hence, compassion is the sumnum bonum and raison detre of all values nay LIFE itself.

Ravi: Awesome, Shri. GRK. Simply outstanding. Thank you so much for  this ‘sharing’. Sure, world would be a better place to live, if humans have ‘Universal values’ rather than being obsessed with ‘Relative values’.

Brethren, do you NOW agree that this ‘sharing’ is applicable for all in this universe, of all races and religions, rich or not-so-rich? I’m grateful to Shri. GRK who takes time every week to share LIFE JUICES and nuggets of wisdom through our blogs - for all of us, ofcourse! DO share with your near and dear ones, without fail.

May I  humbly request our ever-growing readers, of all ages, to ‘share’ THY views and experiences through the comment section in every blog or you may mail me @ ravi@gatesandwindows.in

Amen!

With ‘Unconditional’ Love

Ravichander Venkatraman