My dear brethren from Mother Earth’s family,
Today’s topic has an obvious answer to it – however, listen in to the words of wisdom from Shri. GRK.
Ravi: A chilly Friday evening to you Shri. GRK. Tell me, does the word ‘family’ means only blood- related?
GRK: Hi Ravi. “Chennai and Chilly-climate?” Well, to start with, let’s understand that ‘Family’ is NOT a mere group of people-parents and children-just related by blood. It means a perpetual institution of love, affection and of mutual concern.
Ravi: To beautify this statement, Can I share something with you?
GRK: Yes, go ahead…
Ravi: These are two girl children, aged around 10, i happened to know, from different cross-section of society recently. i would not like to get to their situation nor disclose them.
“i always ask the kids to address me as ravi or ravi na. I asked these two girls to do the same. But after an after-thought, asked them how they would like to address me?” Pat came the reply from both, in different circumstances, on different days – I did hold my breath – cos’ the answer was - ‘Appa‘(Meaning father).”
GRK: My boy, am glad that your cosmic ‘horizon’ is widening. Could also understand that those two kids may not have a biological father. So what? They have a non-biological father and that is you. You have more responsibility NOW. However, follow detached-attachment.
Ravi: Absolutely. I follow that basic principle to my bio-daughters as well. As of now, for those two girls, am making some interventions, working on the food-for-their-‘brains’ for NOW. I reckon that they are both leadership materials for the future. Both exhibit enormous courage, discipline, crystal clear communication and what not? These traits in them, ‘product’ of devastated families - took me by surprise, initially, but not NOW.
GRK: Am happy for them Ravi.
Ravi: Tell me, why with all education and understanding, some of us on ‘Mother Earth’ still ‘fascists’?
GRK: Simple. Let’s go back to the family -Today, we come across many families which have become the centers of recurring quarrels, feuds and intrigues. These are more the centers of conflict than that of love. The children brought up in a family in which blood-bond is over-emphasized, are likely to become caste-minded and race-minded and even fascists.
Ravi, “Family does not mean a mere co-habitation. It is a unique institution characterized by a sense of ‘we’ feeling and sense of ‘belongingness’ and a sense of ‘role’- feeling as father, mother, son or daughter. It is based on unconditional love, cohesion, unity and mutual respect and concern.”
Ravi: (To tell you the truth, both the girls exhibited all the traits that you mentioned)
Were people earlier less quarrelsome than NOW?
GRK: True. Unfortunately, in the process of time, ‘family’ has become an institution of unequal relations and hierarchical relationships. “In this type of family, male head, the man takes granted that he is superior to the woman. He treats his wife as a private property and as one of the personal belongings. She is supposed to be his possession. Thus, he (sometimes also she) treats children equally as his possessions. After all, he gave birth to them. Hence, he thinks he has every right to treat them as his possessions and to mold them, tame them, dictate them and fashion them. Thus, he takes it granted as his birth-right to OWN the children as “belongings”(Sic). For the moment, the father forgets that children have their own interests, aptitudes and individuality. After all, they are individual human beings in their own right.”
Ravi: You are singling out fathers. Come to 2011, applicable to working or non-working mothers as well.
GRK: I agree. Very few fathers and mothers understand this fundamental fact of life. They, especially father, become blind in their parental instincts. The dictatorial behavior of father (Parent) is based on 3 false presumptions.
1. He thinks he is older and elder and thus wiser too (equating age with wisdom is NOT true!)
2. The children do not know what is good for them and thus it is his duty as a parent to correct them and to mold them.
3. After all, he is their father, and he knows what is good for them. Hence, he has a right to mold them as he likes.
Ravi: If only we think, all of us know how false and how irrational and how unscientific these assumptions of a parent, including that of ‘Yours Truly’ are!
GRK: As a result of this thinking, the parent becomes all the time corrective towards children in their sitting, eating and dressing habits, in their interests and persuasions and in their beliefs and behavior patterns. Thus the parent imposes his/her personality, and likes and dislikes on children. That parent becomes authoritarian & dictatorial possessed with an ‘all-the-time-corrective’ attitude towards children. In this way, the whole atmosphere and the interaction in the family, especially in between parents and children, becomes artificial, formal and contrived. The relationship between parents and children loses its spontaneity, informality and warmth. Sadly, the children brought up in this type of family develop many inhibitions, complexes, fears, phobias, double-standards and a sense of insecurity. No child’s personality can bloom to-the-full under the authority of ever-correcting parent. A corrective mentality is a red-pencil mentality. It is a feature, nay a disease, of an over-active LEFT brain. A corrective LEFT brain always searches for the loopholes and faults in others and also expects perfection from human beings! Hah hah! How funny human ‘brains’ are?
Ravi: And, the larger implications?
GRK: The family, which is supposed to be the ‘school of civic virtues’, may even turn out to be a breeding and training center of children with fear, jealousy, hatred and suspicions and recriminations and complexes, in any part of the society, anywhere. In this type of family, the members may have at best ‘mating’ interest or ‘economic’ interest (for property inheritance). But, they may NOT have the sacred and unconditional love, mutual affection and concern and respect to one another’s personality (individuality).
Ravi: And WHAT are the implication(s) to nation(s) as it comprises millions of families?
GRK: That nation, where ‘family’ relations ARE authoritarian and unequal in nature, CANNOT train citizens for democracy. It cannot build up democracy in the country and also the world-brotherhood of nations. As simple as that.
Ravi: Thank you for the sharing. Could be an ‘awakener’ to many like me who have a skewed understanding so far that family is only blood-related. Thank you so much.
GRK: My pleasure, Ravi. Take care and see you soon.
Folks, hope you have enjoyed the conversation. Do munch and share your thoughts.
Signing off with my best wishes to all of you and your wonderful families.
Kind Regards
Ravichander Venkatraman
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